The newly-single friend (part 7)

We left the story of Lucy and Amir at the point where Amir, who until last year had just been Lucy's good friend, had asked her out on a date and then cancelled it and vanished. 

If none of this is making any sense, you'd better catch up first.  Here's the start of the story, and here's last week's post.

Lucy is not the sort of girl to just sit back and take shit from anyone, so after trying to play it cool for a while, she rang Amir and left a message demanding an explanation. 

The tone of her message clearly woke him up, because after weeks of silence he finally texted back.  Lucy, who by this stage boiling with hot rage at the way he'd behaved, decided to play him at his own game and not reply for a few days.  This clearly pushed his stupid boy buttons, because he then rang her twice and sent a further SIX messages with an increasing sense of urgency.

Lucy decided to ignore all these messages too - not because she was deliberately trying to punish him (ok, well, maybe she was, just a little bit), but more because she didn't know what on earth she was going to say. 

So she said nothing, which clearly got right up Amir's nose.

Lucy knows that at this point she should let him stew for a while.  Let him experience what it's like to be ghosted for a change! But she can't.  She's always been terrible at game playing. And she's even worse at sitting quiet.  Always one to wear her heart on her sleeve, if Lucy has something to say, she's going to say it.  It's a trait that has frequently got her into trouble - but right now she doesn't much care, tbh.

What's more, the longer she doesn't reply, the longer this whole sorry saga drags on. And while it's dragging, it's occupying far too much of her energy, as she turns it round and round in her mind and tries to figure out what she will say when she finally does reply.

So she messages him.  A full, frank, and honest assessment of the situation.

She types the message into WhatsApp, pauses for a second to look at it, then takes a deep breath and hits enter with decisive force.

It doesn't take him long to reply. 

It strikes Lucy immediately that this message is just one long string of denials and excuses.  She's not impressed.

Well at least now he's apologised. That is something at least.  But Lucy still doesn't feel that she's got to the bottom of what's been going on.   It would be much better if they spoke in person - particularly since he appears to be on the end of his phone right now. 

Now Lucy feels bad.  And sorry for him.  Was she too harsh?  Sigh.  She takes a slightly softer tone. 

'Back on track?'  What does that even mean?  Lucy notes with a sinking feeling that he keeps using the word 'friend'.  Clearly she has been put back in the friend box - although this much has been obvious since he cancelled their date.  So then why ask her on a date in the first place?  He needs to explain.

The longer this chat goes on for, the worse Lucy feels.  Is this partly her fault?  Did she get the wrong end of the stick?  Misread the signals (well duh!)?  Is she really so full of herself that as soon as a guy so much as smiles at her she assumes he wants her?  Or was it the exact opposite: her insecurity causing her to develop feelings for any attractive guy who shows her the slightest attention?

 

Lucy thought she wanted answers, but now that Amir seems to have miraculously developed the ability to communicate, she's not sure any of this is helping.  Instead, his responses are only making her feel worse - embarrassed that she misjudged the situation, worried that she's now lost a good friend, and anxious that somehow her failure to handle the situation better has caused it to escalate beyond repair.  

But she's also angry with Amir for putting his shitty feelings onto her too, and apparently making it her responsibility to make him feel better. 

Well that she absolutely won't do.  She's already told him she has nothing more to say, so she doesn't reply.  Hopefully he'll get the message. 

He doesn't.  The next morning he texts again. 

It's curious.  When she wanted him to message it drove her bonkers that he didn't.  Now she wishes he would leave her alone and he won't.  What is that all about?!  And why do so many men only seem to up their game when they suddenly feel they have a point to prove?

Well, it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind.  Plus, his name repeatedly popping up in her notifications is completely doing her head in.  She needs him to just fuck the hell off now so she can get over her embarrassment.

Though of course she puts it in a nicer way when she replies.  It seems to be the only way to get rid of him. 

Then Lucy archives the chat so she won't have to see it in her inbox any more, pours herself a large glass of wine, and goes back to swiping on Bumble.

The End.  (Probably)

Editor's note:  Apologies to any readers who have felt disappointed by the more serious tone of recent updates.  Normal, more humorous service will be resumed next time.  

The newly-single friend (Part 1)

Lucy's friend Amir has recently split up from his long-term partner.

Lucy and Amir met through work, and have been friends for about five years.  They don't work together any more, but they have a feisty ongoing WhatsApp chat, and get pissed together every so often.

When they met, Lucy was living with The Ex, and Amir was with Julie.  Getting together was never even a possibility.  So they developed an easy, relaxed friendship based on brilliant banter, mutual appreciation, and a fair bit of innocent flirting.  Amir frequently praises Lucy for her talent and humour, which just goes to show what an intelligent and discerning fellow he is.



Amir is two years older than Lucy, and he's funny, clever, and extremely handsome.  Also, he has the greatest hair known to man.  Other guys stop and stare at him in the street, and girls regularly chat him up on the tube.  Lucy's sure it's because of his thick, lustrous, dark head of hair, now lightly sprinkled with salt and pepper.  If Amir could bottle his hair genes and sell them to bald men, he'd be a millionaire in no time.

But in spite of the perfect hair, Lucy's never really fancied him before, because he had a partner and two children. And because he comes across as a bit cocky (with hair like that, who can blame him?).  But mostly because he's only about an inch taller than her, and Lucy doesn't fancy short guys.  No matter how hard she tries.

And boy, has she tried.  She's dated a few men who were the same height as her, and even slept with one or two.  But every time she gets up close and personal to a man who isn't significantly bigger than her, she feels like a big fat butch lump of blubber.  And that's just not sexy.

But although Lucy doesn't lust after Amir, she has always thought of him as one of the Good Ones. You know, as in 'why are the Good Ones always taken?'  One of the ones you're hoping will get divorced so you can snap them up second time round.

This, I'm afraid, is the lot of the late 30s single woman.  All the Good Ones have been grabbed already by girls who in their 20s were prettier and more confident than Lucy.  But statistics say that sooner or later a good 50 per cent of them are going to come back round again and this time, Lucy will have the last laugh.  In the meantime she's been busy keeping her body as near gym-toned perfection as her wine and sugar addictions will allow, and getting eight hours sleep a night, so that when the next Good One becomes available, she'll be the fantasy dreamgirl at the top of his wishlist.

Ok so fantasy dreamgirl might be a little optimistic, but she's definitely doing better than quite a few of her smug married girlfriends on whom the pressures of motherhood have started to take their toll.

And now Amir is no longer taken.

He and Julie were together for 10 years and split up at the end of 2016.  Now he feels like he's ready to dip his toe back in the dating pool, but is lacking confidence, and he's started turning to Lucy.

Amir has also started asking Lucy for her advice about online dating.



Lucy's not sure how she feels about this.  On the one hand, a few nightmare experiences with the crazy women of the Tindersphere might help Amir realise what a total catch Lucy is.  On the other, she doesn't want him doing anything stupid like going on just one date and meeting the new love of his life.

Which has happened at least two friends of hers.  Bitches.

But the thing is, although Amir might be considering getting back into dating, Lucy is pretty sure that he's interested in her too.

At the work Christmas party, when he was drunk, he made a half-suggestion about coming home with her.  Lucy pretended not to understand and ran away.

More recently, he sent her a rather mysterious late night WhatsApp.

Ah, but was it a joke? Lucy wonders.

Recently, Amir and Lucy met up for a drink after work. One thing led to another and before she knew it... (no, it's not like that, get your mind back up out of the gutter)... before she knew it, it was 2 am and they had sunk two bottles of wine and cocktails and were having the best laugh EVER.

At the tube station, they hugged for ages before going their separate ways.  Lucy got the strong impression that Amir wanted to kiss her.  What she doesn't know is whether this is just him feeling single and lonely and wanting a little affection and reassurance, or whether he likes her.  Like, you know, wanting-to-be-in-a-relationship LIKES her.  Seems a little soon after his breakup for that, tbh.

Amir asks Lucy to let him know when she's home safe.

'You smell amazing'?  Is that really something you say to someone who's just a friend?

Safely home, the chat continues. 

There is definite Chemistry here.  With a capital C.  But Lucy needs to be careful.  She's not at all sure whether she has proper feelings for Amir or just has a lot of fun with him as a friend.  And also, she doesn't want to ruin the friendship by getting messy with him when he's on the rebound.  

That said, The Ex got engaged to his rebound girl just five months after he dumped Lucy.  The cunting bastard.

But it does mean being the rebound girl might not be the worst thing.

After their drunken evening together, Lucy doesn't hear from Amir for a few days.  And then out of the blue comes a strange request. 

Lucy's stomach does a little skip of excitement.  This is intriguing... what could it be?

Ok, so this is... interesting.   A mock date?  What does he mean?

Seriously, it's not as if Amir needs to practise talking to women.  He's charming and chatty, he meets new people through work all the time.  It's not like he's socially awkward.  He doesn't work in fucking IT, for Chrissake!

But this is good gossip. She shares screengrabs with her friend Lily, to get a second opinion.

Lucy and Lily have known each other a short time, but already they are BFFs.  They have top level fun together, and agree on everything (just once, Lily disagreed about something, and Lucy was really shocked - until she discovered that it was just a misunderstanding and Lily did actually agree with her after all).  

Lily gives great advice on everything from work to boys to fashion, and can always be relied up on to say it as she sees it, with no sugarcoating.  Lucy thinks Lily is just The Best.  Sometimes she wishes they were both gay so they could get together and Lucy could be done with stupid fucking men once and for all. 

But sadly both Lucy and Lily prefer boys.  We all have our crosses to bear. 

As usual, Lily gives her sensible clear-cut analysis of the Amir situation. 

So she's not imagining it.  Amir just asked her out on a not-a-date.  This is very exciting indeed. 

They do always say the best relationships begin with friendships, and Lucy likes Amir a lot.  Plus he ticks most of her boxes apart from the height thing and the fact that he has two kids.  

Which to be fair, are both pretty big deals.   But nobody's perfect. 

So Lucy accepts - taking care to keep up the pretence that this is just a helpful friends thing.  Which, you know, it might be.  Men are weird and dysfunctional and Lucy doesn't understand them at all.  So it's entirely possible that in Amir's fucked up man mind this is a perfectly normal thing to do with someone who is just a good friend. 

Amir is off on holiday for two weeks, so they leave it there.  It remains to be seen whether he will get in touch once he's back, or whether he'll have shacked up with some 28-year-old hottie by then.  Lucy wouldn't be surprised. 

To find out what happened, click here.

Not down with the kids

Lucy goes on a date with Vincent, a commodities trader in the City.  Lucy already knows from his profile that he's a handsome guy, but in a startling break from the usual in-the-flesh disappointment, Vincent's photos actually don't do him justice.  In real life he is possibly the best-looking man Lucy has ever been out with.   Uh-oh, she thinks, if he's this attractive and still single, it probably spells trouble...

It's not long before the first signs appear.  

Lucy asks about Vincent's family.  He has a brother who lives in America, but he doesn't get on with his brother's wife. 
"Why not?" Lucy asks.
Vincent says it's because the sister-in-law is a bit 'new age'. 
Lucy asks if this means she's into homeopathy or feng shui.
"Oh no," explains Vincent.  "It's just that she doesn't believe in hitting her kids." 

Lucy's dream of making stunningly attractive babies with this man flies out the window. 

Vincent tells Lucy he doesn't use Facebook.  "I don't see the point," he says.  "If you need to share something with your friends, just do it on WhatsApp.  My friends use it to send me stuff all the time." 
"Oh? Like what?"
"Mostly porn videos."

Lucy remarks that perhaps Vincent should get some new friends. 

"Oh no, it's funny," he replies.  "The other day one sent me a video of someone shagging a dead person."
Lucy is not sure necrophilia porn is a good topic for a first date.  She scans the room for the nearest emergency exit. "Don't worry," Vincent says, "all guys do this.  If you don't know this, you clearly don't understand men."

Lucy realises she is going to die alone.

(But wait, there's more.  To find out what happened next, click here.)

Radio Ga Ga revisited (Part 3)

After what seemed like a never-ending dry spell which looked like it would only end when our heroine shrivelled up and died from lack of human contact, Lucy has finally had sex with Peter, who works in radio.

(To read all about it, click here.)

He texts her the next day.

Mind-blowing, eh? Lucy gives herself a high five.

But later she wonders if she should have paid attention to the number of exclamation marks.   Peter seems to have a tendency to overuse them when he's being insincere.

And it's not long before the enthusiastic responses start to dwindle...

Lucy is aware that guys don't like to be chased.  As much as they protest that it's the 21st century and they like the idea of equality, she has plenty of evidence that's not true.  Guys like girls who are a challenge.  Lucy thinks she was a challenge when Peter wasn't sure if he'd get to have sex with her.  But now he has, the attraction seems to be waning. 

Lucy does try her best to be unavailable and hard to get.  She's read all the advice that says that she should wait days before replying to messages, and be enigmatic and mysterious.  She knows what she's supposed to do.  The problem is, she's shit at it.  Lucy is prompt, efficient, and organised.  She doesn't do failing to reply to messages.   And she's a planner.  She likes to have her diary neatly organised in advance so she knows what she's doing in the week ahead.  If she waits too long to reply to Peter's messages, she won't know whether they're meeting up again or not.  And Lucy hates that.

The problem is, none of that is sexy. 

But Lucy is 38.  She doesn't give a fuck any more.  If a guy is going to be put off by her being herself, then so be it.  He wasn't worth it anyway.  So she ignores the advice about playing hard to get and tries to pin him down. 

Maybe one day she'll learn.  But not today.

Clever, thinks Lucy.  Makes me sound busy and in demand, and maybe now he'll actually pick a date.

But of course he doesn't.  So Lucy tells him she's moving to Brighton.  Surely that will make her seem hard to get and have him eating out of her hand?

It seems to have the desired effect.

She definitely does, but she doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of being too keen.  Not after he's been so sporadic with his texts.  So she replies, but plays it cool.  Surely now he'll come back with a suggested date?

But she should have noticed those seven exclamation marks - which more than ever seem to imply that what he really means is the exact opposite of what he's just said.  Days pass, and there is no word.

Any sensible girl would have given up long ago.  Lucy knows she should do the same.  But she can't. She starts making excuses.  Maybe he really is busy with work.  He does work long hours and have a stressful job.  And he did say she was 'mind-blowing' and that he wanted to 'ravish' her again.  Why would he say that if he didn't mean it?  So she tries one last time to get some clarity.

Lucy has no fucking clue about men.

Well at least he replied.  But for fuck's sake!  Why bother to write two texts making his excuses instead of answering the fucking question!

And there are those exclamation marks again...

Now he's forcing her to wait for a WhatsApp message.  But why not just send a text?  Lucy just doesn't get it, and annoyance boils up and spills over like the bubbles in a shaken can of coke.  She doesn't even like the guy all that much.  Bloody car salesman.

And yet even so, part of her still hopes that when he does message, he'll finally tell her when he's free to meet up.  If ever there were proof that treating 'em mean keeps 'em keen, right now Lucy is it.

But when the message finally arrives, hours later, she is still none the wiser.

Nine exclamation marks.  Clearly it's all over.

But Lucy's fine with it.  She could never be with someone who misuses punctuation so appallingly.

(UPDATE: turns out it wasn't all over.  To find out what happened next, click here)

Radio Ga Ga revisited (Part 2)

Lucy's had two dates with Peter, whom she met on Bumble.

(To catch up on the last one, click here).

Peter is attractive and a great kisser, but it's clear he's only interested in one thing.  Lucy feels she ought to be outraged by this, but it's been months since she last had sex and she's decided she needs to live a little while she's still on the right side of 40.

So when Peter invites himself over to her place on Sunday night, she accepts before she has a chance to change her mind.

Lucy's aware that the kids these days are shagging each other left, right and centre without giving it a second thought.  But having a man she's only had two dates with come round to her place is not something she's done before and she doesn't know what to expect.  So she does what any sane British woman would do: opens a bottle of prosecco to steady her nerves.  By the time Peter turns up, she's sunk several glasses.  It's definitely helped.

Lucy's afraid that the whole thing will feel very functional and transactional, but it's not that way at all.  In spite of her embarrassingly cheesy music taste she manages to find something socially acceptable and puts it on.  They sit on the sofa and chat, and Peter is polite, charming and full of compliments.  It's just like being on a 3rd date - except they're not being ripped off by London bar prices or crammed in, standing-room-only, with hundreds of other people.  So she relaxes, and when Peter kisses her, it doesn't feel awkward at all.

He starts taking off her clothes.   Lucy's wearing her second best underwear.  It's from Marks & Spencer's posh range and is green silk with flowers on.  She dithered for ages about which knickers and bra to wear and finally decided that her best set - which is red - might look too obvious.  Lucy never normally bothers to wear matching underwear and is delighted to have a chance to show it off.  But Peter barely even glances at her bra before it's on the floor.  She's peeved. What a waste.

In Lucy's relatively limited experience of sex, she's generally found that the first time with someone new is not all that good.  It normally only gets better with familiarity and practice.  But with Peter she's pleasantly surprised.   That great kissing technique turns out to be an indicator of other interesting skills.  Lucy decides she should definitely keep Peter around for as long as possible.

He has to get up at 4 am for work, so he doesn't stay.  Which means that not only does Lucy get to have sex (and not just any sex, good sex!) for the first time in more than 6 months - but she even gets a decent night's sleep afterwards.

She's pleased with herself.   She wonders if she might just be cut out for being a little bit slutty after all.  Better late than never, right?

(To find out what happened next, click here)

Radio Ga Ga revisited (Part 1)

It's late May, and a sunny bank holiday weekend is looming.  Because of the weather Lucy has epilated her legs and painted her toenails, so now she wants to put the pain and effort to good use.  She needs to find a date. 

She decides to message Peter, the radio guy.  They'd met up just once and he'd seemed keen, but then vanished.  (You can read the full story here).

Lucy wonders if Peter can be resurrected.  So she drops a casual text.

Lucy knows she should be pleased, but is actually rather annoyed.  He seems to have no clue how pissed off she was about him vanishing last time.  No apology, no contrition, nothing.  How bloody presumptuous.  But still, it looks like she might have a date, which is, after all, what she wanted.  Those smooth pins won't be wasted now.

So she hides her annoyance... at least as much as she can.

The promise of a snog is quite exciting.  And he was a good kisser.  

So they meet, and it goes well.  There is sunshine, and prosecco, and kissing, and some good chat - though Lucy still thinks Peter reminds her of a pushy car salesman.  As the date goes on he gets pushier - or rather, filthier - whispering suggestive comments in her ear and letting his hands wander considerably further than is appropriate for a Sunday afternoon in the middle of Chiswick surrounded by yummy mummies and daddies and their toddlers.

But the smug marrieds and their spawn can sod right off.  Lucy's enjoying it.  And although Peter leaves at 6 pm (he has to get up stupidly early for work), from his messages afterwards it seems he had quite a nice time too. 

Lucy is really not sure what to make of all this.  It's quite clear Peter is only after one thing.  Lucy feels she ought to be outraged and offended.   She's a nice young lady (well she still feels young, even if 38 might not quite count) and she should be treated with respect.  At the very least he ought to pretend to try to charm her, and offer to buy her dinner first. 

But Lucy hasn't had sex in months.  In fact, she's spent most of her life not having sex.  In her twenties she never had that slutty phase that she's heard girls are supposed to go through.  Now she's in her late 30s and according to articles in Cosmo and Marie Claire that means she's in her sexual prime.  She wouldn't want all that prime sexiness to go to waste.  And she certainly doesn't want to lie on her deathbed regretting not having had more bedroom action. 

So before she can bottle it, she tells him she's free the very next day.

The next morning Lucy is super nervous.  She tidies and cleans the flat from top to bottom.   Does the same to herself.   Wonders if Peter will be expecting food.  Do you need to cook dinner for someone when they've invited themselves round for sex, she wonders.

Hates herself for being 38 and still not knowing this stuff.

Wonders if Peter will be gentleman enough to bring a bottle of wine.  If he shows up without one, that would be bad.  She's not sure she should put out for a guy who would turn up at someone's house without a bottle.  His next text suggests the odds are not in her favour.

By the time Peter turns up - in a flash white Porsche - she's sunk the best part of a bottle of prosecco to steady her nerves and is a bit tipsy.   Happily, he's brought wine.  Thank fuck for that, thinks Lucy.  Now she's psyched herself up for this she didn't want to have to call it off.

Lucy is perplexed by the car.

Why did you drive?  she asks.  That means you won't be able to drink. 

She wonders if it's because he wanted to be able to make a quick getaway if necessary. 

Then she realises it might be because he'd been hoping to stay the night.  Tries to take her foot out of her mouth but it's too late. 

(To find out what happened next, click here)

Radio Ga Ga

Lucy discovers Peter on Bumble.  He has a great smile and an interesting job in radio.  Lucy is also happy to find that unlike at least half of the lazy fucks on the app, Peter has actually managed to find time in his busy and important life to write a few words about himself - and

what's more, they are all correctly spelled!  Clearly Peter is a cut above the rest.  Lucy wastes no time in arranging to meet him.

The would-be lovers meet on London's posh Chiswick High Road on a mild Saturday afternoon in March.  Lucy arrives first at the pub - which is rammed with sports fans watching a rugby game.  Oh shit, she thinks.  This'd better not be a sports date.

Peter calls. He's running late.  Lucy is actually quite impressed that he's bothered to phone rather than just text.  He's chatty, and by the time he arrives the ice has been well and truly broken.  Peter is equally horrified by the rugby fans and suggests they go to a different pub.  Good work, Peter.

In the pub conversation flows, though Peter has the manner of a car salesman, with a slightly pushy confidence that seems a bit false.  Lucy imagines that when he smiles, she'll see a sparkle flash from one of his very white teeth.  Still, he's entertaining, so Lucy has more wine. 

Peter seems quite taken with Lucy.  He repeatedly tells her she's gorgeous, and midway through the date he announces that he can't wait any longer to kiss her, and goes for it before she has a chance to react.  This has never happened before and she's rather taken aback.  Where is the nervous walk to the tube station?  What about the bit when you can't quite look the other person in the eye?  Surely you're supposed to wait to say goodbye, so you can have that are-we-aren't-we? moment where one goes for the cheek and the other goes for the lips?

Nope. None of that.  He just went for it. 

Immediately there is embarrassment.  Lucy doesn't know what to say.  Peter is mortified.  Lucy thinks that's rather sweet.  So she invites him to try again, and this time it's better, and less awkward.

Then Peter asks Lucy when he might get to have sex with her. 

For the second time, Lucy is speechless and blushes furiously.  For a 38-year-old woman she really ought to be a hell of a lot better about talking about this stuff.  But around boys she fancies and boys who fancy her she still behaves like a teenager.  

Lucy needs a slap.

The rest of the date goes well.  There is copious kissing (very good) at the bus stop, and Peter asks when he can see her again.  Lucy decides he's probably not Mr Right, but with a kissing technique like that, he can definitely be Mr Right Now.

Peter WhatsApps a few days later. 

There is silence.  Lucy wonders if Peter was texting as he crossed the road and got knocked over by a bus.

The next day, she tries again.  She needs to know if she should send a condolence card to Peter's mum.  It's two days before Peter finally replies.  But at least he's not dead.  Lucy is sure both he and his mum are pleased about that.

"Forgot to hit send"?  Lucy isn't quite sure she believes this.  Especially since he made the same excuse twice.   Bit suspicious.

She's also not at all convinced by a man who addresses her as 'hun'.  But he DOES seem keen, so she gives him the benefit of the doubt.   She tries some of her best flirting. 

Lucy is really not sure how she feels about being called 'horny'.  She's pretty sure that's not something someone else can judge about another person.  

Peter needs to go to charm school. 

The day of the date arrives, but things take a turn for the worse.

Lucy panics that Peter has gone off her because she rebuffed his clumsy flirting, and is disappointed that the date has been cancelled.  But mostly she is pissed off because she got up early and washed her hair specially and now she is all dressed up with nowhere to go.

For days there is silence.  Maybe the fever was something more serious.  Lucy googles Peter's name to see if his death has been reported.   Nothing.  So she messages him. 

It's starting to look as though the number of exclamation marks Peter uses is inversely proportional to the sincerity of his replies. 

He seems interested, but he won't be pinned down to a second date.  Lucy wonders what the fuck is with that - and whether bingeing on chocolate will help her figure it out.

Maybe the North Koreans have hacked WhatsApp and Peter genuinely isn't getting her messages.  Lucy wants to give him the benefit of the doubt, so she sends a message via the Bumble app.

Lucy is even more suspicious.   A man who claims not to know what ghosting is?  Twice.  But it's men that invented ghosting.  Lucy suspects Peter is protesting too much.   

Nevertheless, she resends her previous message, and Peter immediately responds.  

There's no reply.   Lucy has no fucking clue what the hell is going on, but even she can't keep flogging this dead horse any longer.  She pours herself a large glass of Sauvignon Blanc and starts swiping for someone new. 

(To be find out what happened next, click here...)